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Mama’s Magic Meltdown Kit

April 9, 2019 by Janet Callahan Leave a Comment

One of the things most parents run into, sooner or later, is a child who has lost control of their emotional state, and is so upset that they cannot pull themselves together.

Some people call this a meltdown.

I’ve seen more than my fair share – after all, I have 2 autistic kids, and even typical kids have meltdowns, but mine have a few extra challenges stacked against them.

And let’s be real – sometimes it’s the adults having a meltdown, not the kids.

A while back, I started putting together a little kit of things to use to help when they happen, because in the heat of the moment, it’s sometimes hard to think of all the things we’re supposed to do. And I figure I’ll share it with you, because you probably run into the same sorts of situations from time to time.

First, one good way to calm down is to breathe. Maybe it’s just my kids and their formerly trached selves, but breathing on demand is *hard* for them. Even more so when they’re out of sorts. You need to make those deep cleansing breaths more interesting. Try bubbles, a pinwheel, or (for use under close supervision), blowing out candles over and over. All of these are favorites at our house, but candles are a big deal – very motivating.

Another good thing to try is calming music. Put a CD in your kit, or make a playlist on your favorite music service online.

We use Reiki a lot for overwrought kids. I Reiki myself when I’m upset, and for older kids who have had a Reiki I attunement, being able to self-Reiki will be a great way to help them gain control of their emotions.

Another frequent choice at our house is flower essences. Bach’s Rescue Remedy comes in an alcohol free kids version (if you’re really worried about the 4 drops you’re going to give them), and pastilles, which are sort of like candy. I work almost exclusively these days with essences from Nature’s Remedies (and carry them in my shop), and we use their crisis blend, peace blend, or anxiety blend, depending on the situation. I have considered putting these in a bit of honey in a section of plastic straw and carry in your bag or pocket.

Stones can help ground out the energy of a meltdown too – I have a pair of baseball-sized bloodstone spheres that I use for this purpose when doing Reiki or other healing sessions, and as long as you keep your child from throwing them, they work well for helping them calm down too.

“Calm Down Jars” as they’re called on pinterest can help too – those jars or bottles with glitter and water. Shake them up, set them down, and sit down and watch the glitter fall back to the bottom, like snow falling in a snow globe. The mind follows the glitter, and settles down too.

Other things you might want in your kit include herbs, biofeedback tools (like Touch Points), essential oils, a cuddly stuffed animal, bean bags to throw, or a weighted blanket or lap pad.

Finally, make a list of the tools, or put each on a card and put a ring through them all so that it’s easy to remember what the options are. Now, put all your items in a box or basket (or even a real tool box or tackle box) and label it, so you’re ready to pull it out when you need it!

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Why are events for Pagan families so hard to staff?

March 31, 2019 by Janet Callahan Leave a Comment

Recently, I got introduced to some other Pagan parents who were looking for…well, mentoring might be a good word. They were interested in writing for Pagan parents and Pagan kids, and we got to talking about events that have programming tracks for Pagan youth, and how that works or doesn’t work, and why some books get more publicity than others.

And we talked about why it’s often difficult to get people to submit children’s programming at family friendly events.

I had some ideas on this, but I decided to ask in one of the big Pagan Parenting groups I’m in, and a lot of their answers paralleled my own experiences.

One thing that came up repeatedly was that programming and babysitting are two different activities, and most events treat them the same…as do many parents. Kids programming is often seen as a place to park your child while you do something you’d like to do instead. While there’s space for this, the event needs to be clear on what they’re providing.

There need to be clear rules about how children are expected to behave in the children’s area, and a way to reach parents whose children aren’t acting in accordance with those rules. There is a balance to be had between “free range” parenting that allows children to go wherever they want to go, and the liability that the venue and organizers may have if something happens to a child.

And if what an event is providing really is childcare, they need to consider providing, at a minimum, materials required for the activities involved. It may not have occurred to the organizers if they don’t have small children, but child care is expensive, and if that’s what an event is really providing, it may be worth charging for that service and hiring a company to provide it.

Another thing that came up repeatedly is that children’s programming really is often different than programming for adults, and those presenting need to understand that. Presenters who want kids to sit down and listen for their entire 45 minute (or more) block are not likely to be as successful as someone who is flexible, keeps attention spans in mind, and uses movement, song, and story-telling together to create a multi-sensory environment.

One complaint that came up several times was that it often seemed that parents took children’s’ programming and events for granted. They were frequently late, if they showed up at all, and getting a consistent group going was a struggle because of this. At larger events, parents often send their children in the direction of the kids’ area, without any expectation that they will get there or stay there.

I’d argue, from a parent’s perspective, that as a mom with two autistic children, we struggle to find activities that are set up in a way they can actually participate, even with hands-on 1:1 help. Managing kids’ energy is much like managing ritual energy, and I rarely see that in events in the community, which makes most programming a non-starter for us.

So then, the question is, what do we do with this info? How do we create sustainable family friendly programming for all ages, when we all have different opinions of what it should look like? How do we make our events safe without making them too confining? How do we learn to be a true community and share the workload?

I think the first task is to have that discussion. What does the local community need or want? Who is willing to organize, and what are the parameters required to make it work?

I would love to hear what’s working for you and your community.

Originally published March 19, 2019, on paganbusinesnetwork.com

Check out my new energy work page, http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibrationsEnergyStudio

What is Clergy, Anyway?

January 2, 2019 by Janet Callahan 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what our initiations mean, and what “being clergy” means when you’re not part of an active, structured worship group (like a coven, or kindred, or church, or whatever). Christian folks use minister, clergy, pastor, and a few other terms almost interchangeably, and priest is only used in a few specific situations….but we’re different.

priestess in a circle of stars and swirling colors

We talk about everyone being a priest or priestess – everyone is capable of reaching out to the divine and interceding for themselves, without someone standing in between them and a specific deity.

We also talk about priests and priestesses serving specific gods, the way temple keepers would have in the old days. It’s a form of dedication to that specific deity, in service to them.

We talk about clergy when we mean, “able to serve as clergy in the legal sense” – weddings, mostly, but sometimes funerals, hospital visits, and maybe house blessings. Sometimes we use the word ordained here, or ordained minister, because it’s “official”…but anyone can be ordained by the ULC, so I often wonder what this word really gets us [1]

Ministers…minister. They tend to the spiritual needs of the flock. They do sick calls, they pray with people, they help people who are struggling with faith.

And as pastor, they’re also the leader of the congregation. That’s a lot of jobs to put on one person, and it’s no wonder that so many Christian groups struggle with finding people who can really do all these things.

One of the things that we don’t talk about is teaching. In most other religions, those who are worship leaders are also teachers of that faith. Our teaching is more decentralized, more squishy. Frequently, students are asked to teach as part of their training – learning how to teach by example, and learning more about their subjects as they teach. Even when our working group teaches, we learn at festivals and at events and go to individual workshops and read books and websites – so many incoming sources of information!

And teaching is one of the things I’ve done a lot of over the years. It’s become a focus of mine over the last few, because I so often feel that those formalized learning opportunities are missing as we Pagan folk become less centralized and more and more solitary with occasional group rituals.

It’s one of the reasons I’m opening Lady Arianrhod’s Magical Academy – teaching is a passion of mine, and while there’s lots of good information out there if you google, you have to sort through and figure out what’s credible (just today, someone asked about runes in one of the groups I’m in, complaining that different sources say different things, and how do they figure it out?)

So, head on over, check out the classes currently available, and consider our introductory offer – I’ll likely do a sale for a year’s worth of membership later this year. There are more offerings coming for members too, which will not be released as separate courses.

This is my focus this year – the Academy and the Magical Moms Club – so let’s make 2019 a great year!

[1] Which is not to detract from the ULC, mind you – they serve an important role, and now that the circle that initiated me as a high priestess, capable of running a circle, and capable of legally acting as clergy no longer exists, I have an ordination from them to help manage the state’s requirements.

Check out my new energy work page, http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibrationsEnergyStudio

Children and Ancestors

September 19, 2018 by Janet Callahan Leave a Comment

In a recent discussion in one of the business masterminds I’m in, we got to talking about children and various things about raising them in a magical household.

Most days, it’s complicated.

One topic that we’ve actually touched on at home recently that came up was ancestor veneration.

Have you seen the movie Coco? One of the big features of Dia De Muertos is the ofrenda, the altar that deceased loved ones come to visit as part of the celebration. The idea that we must remember those ancestors is key to the story, and it’s a key to ancestor veneration too, though we can take it a step farther and call on ancestors that we don’t know.

Ancestors are a pretty concrete idea for most kids – they know that their parents also had parents (their grandparents). It’s not much of a stretch to understand that their grandparents also had parents and grandparents, even if they never met them.

So hearing that family tree, and stories surrounding those people, help make their memories come alive. This is why people tell stories. Every year at Samhain I tell my kids stories about relatives who have passed on – relatives they knew, and relatives that they never met. I have grand plans to make a book with photos and everything….but so far it’s a pile of scrap booking supplies.

The question then becomes, how do we talk about veneration with our kids?

At our house, there are two parts to that answer.

The first is that on a regular basis (theoretically daily, but we’re in a not-daily mode right now), we light a candle and incense, and we ask all the grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles, all the nature spirits in and around our home, and our gods and goddesses, to protect us and our home and our extended family.

The second, which has come up more recently, has been asking them for help. My daughter suffers from severe anxiety, and she’s an empath. One thing we’ve talked about during a recent flare up of her anxiety is that she can ask all the grandmas and grandpas to help her be brave, and to help her see which feelings belong to her and which ones don’t. And we’ve talked about how she can ask the grandmas and grandpas to help her carry her big feelings when they’re too big, and to help her let go of feelings that aren’t hers.

It’s big picture. It’s not subtle and nuanced. But right now, it’s working for her, and giving her ways to make the energetic connections, and tools to help her control her anxiety.

How about you? How do you approach teaching your children about ancestors?Check out my new energy work page, http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibrationsEnergyStudio