Rev Janet Callahan

Priestess and Author

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How We Treat Families Matters

January 25, 2016 by Janet Callahan Leave a Comment

In any community of sufficient size, there turns out to be a wide range of people – different ages, different genders and/or sexualities, different living situations and family structures, different incomes, different health concerns, and different levels of comfort in any given situation. And as a community, it’s our job as members to be generally welcoming (and I don’t mean welcoming dangerous people, mind you, but that the random person who walks in, no matter their situation, should be welcomed), and to make the community workable for all.

On average, our communities suck at that on a regular basis. Hospitality is a thing – an important thing for many of us in our spiritual paths, and we as a community fail to be hospitable on a regular basis.

It’s been a pet peeve of mine for a while how families with children are seen in the Pagan community. So many things are deemed “not for children” – even when there’s no obvious reason that they should be restricted. And so many parents are told that if they want something for their kids, they have to do it all.

Here’s the thing.

By restricting those spaces, you are effectively telling those parents, who were likely actively involved before they had kids, that they are no longer welcome. Which means you’re telling them their help is not welcome, even as you’re asking for volunteers and money and participation in your events. You’re telling people that they have to choose between your event or group and their family, and I can tell you that most of the time, you’re going to lose in that case.

And once they’re not active, their likelihood of re-joining you when their children are older and independent is pretty small – they will have moved on to activities that were more inviting and more family friendly.

Have you noticed that the people who are busiest get the most done?  Parents are pretty damn busy. PTO groups raise tens of thousands of dollars per school, all done by parents. Kids’ sports leagues play games every week, and kids get to practices, have uniforms, and have snacks ready when they get there….because parents do the work.

So why are you turning down the labor of willing volunteers?

Many times, events in the Pagan community put volunteers to work in shifts, covering different portions of the needed work. Why is it so hard to imagine some sort of child friendly space that operates on the same principles?

A while back, I read a book called Don’t Leave Your Friends Behind – it’s an interesting little anthology about social movements and how families are, were, or weren’t included. I strongly recommend that you read it if you run events or groups and wonder what to do about the families in your midst.

Check out my new energy work page, http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibrationsEnergyStudio

Filed Under: Opinions, parenting

It’s December Already?

December 1, 2015 by Janet Callahan 1 Comment

Ok, where did the year go? How is it already December? I know I didn’t sleep through it, because I’m way too tired to have actually slept that long.

School for the kids has taken considerably more time and brain power this year than one would have expected. It’s complicated, when you have complicated kids.

And getting Parenting Pagan Tots out there in print was exhausting. It may be the first creative project I’ve ever really compared to a child, because it’s certainly taken almost as much out of me to get it published that my kids’ births did.

I’ve been thinking a lot. And realizing I have more ideas than time to implement them. Which is both good and bad…but I need to do more writing (which it seems like I’m saying that a lot, again). And while I’ve done a lot of work on marketing in the last couple of years, I want to really focus in on writing more and teaching. That’s my plan for 2016, and I’m really hoping to stick to it.

Right now, in line with my flower essence fascination, I’m learning more about how they work with the body. And I’m diving deep into essential oils – both for wellness and for magical uses. So hopefully I’ll have more to share on those fronts too in the coming year. Along with the usual – book reviews, discussions on community and kids and special needs, family life, and more.

Thanks for hanging in here with me!

Check out my new energy work page, http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibrationsEnergyStudio

Filed Under: Opinions

Pagan Pride

August 6, 2014 by Janet Callahan Leave a Comment

It’s getting to be Pagan Pride Day season – ours is this coming weekend.

While I know Pagan Pride Day was started to be an open invitation for folks in the community to come out and see what we’re all about, I’m not sure that it actually does that. I haven’t seen much in the way of outside media attention about our local event in quite a while – or maybe we’re just not strange enough to be newsworthy anymore?

It’s a big year here in our community. There’s a group opening a temple. A group running a scholarship program & a food pantry. Lots of neat stuff going on, in an area that sometimes takes community as a dirty word.

I’ll be vending this year at Pagan Pride Detroit (August 9), and presenting in the family programming track about special needs parenting. I hope to see you there!

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Check out my new energy work page, http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibrationsEnergyStudio

Filed Under: Essays, events, Opinions

Rites of Passage

July 21, 2014 by Janet Callahan Leave a Comment

It seems to me that at least in modern America, we lack appropriate rites of passage in many cases.

For kids growing up, their big ones are getting a driver’s license, graduating high school, and being old enough to drink (which, given our culture, probably adds to the level of alcohol abuse). There’s not much else for normal things, and if your child doesn’t meet normal milestones, it’s a cause for concern, not for celebration.

Some societies celebrate birth, marriage, and death – and while we certainly do a decent job on the first two, death is something we struggle with these days, and even births and marriages can be out of whack from the expected celebration. A baby in the NICU sometimes means no baby shower, for example, and a marriage to someone the family doesn’t approve of can certainly be complicated (or our current same-sex marriage situation, where even the law does not recognize this milestone in many cases).

I wrote a while back (seemingly a lifetime ago) about the lack of drama involved when my son got his trach out. My daughter’s trach was removed on the 4th of July (that holiday called Independence Day here in the States, which is seemingly fitting) – and again, it was almost anti-climactic. It leaves one feeling somewhat empty to have such a big change go unrecognized.178449934

At it’s heart, a rite of passage is a way of marking a change – a way of acknowledging that we’re stepping through a doorway from one part of life into the next. A way to say, yes, before you were this, and now you’re not – you were a baby, now you’re a big kid, now you’re a tween, a teen, an adult, married, a parent, divorced, widowed, a grandparent. Each new phase comes with benefits and responsibilities, and being clear about that helps us know where we fit in society.

I think, as Pagan families, it’s important to consider what sorts of additional rites of passage are appropriate for our children. What have you done, or what are you planning to do, with your family that isn’t the sort of thing celebrated in mainstream culture?

Check out my new energy work page, http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibrationsEnergyStudio

Filed Under: Essays, Opinions, parenting

Supporting Your Community

July 7, 2014 by Janet Callahan Leave a Comment

While it’s sometimes hard to find other Pagan families, it can help to know your Pagan community.

I haven’t been super active in the community the last few years because of my children. But I’m trying to get back into things now that they’re a little older and life is a little more manageable.

One important aspect of our communities is our Pagan shops. Many of us got our start in shops like these, networking, buying books and tools and jewelry.

I know I have a pretty well stocked cabinet of supplies here these days, so I don’t get  out to the local shops much since my favorite closed. On a recent day, I decided to remedy that a bit, and made a list of 5 shops in reasonable driving range, then went out to see them.

Some things to consider, as you visit your local shops:

1. What do they have, generally? Around here, some shops have more herbs, others have more stones, and so on. As a parent, it’s often good to know where you can get your shopping done fastest. Do they have a website so you can window shop before you go?

2. How child friendly is the shop? Some have narrow aisles full of breakables, some have wider aisles with specific areas for more fragile things. Are there children there when you visit?

3. Besides the sort of typical Pagan goods, what else does the shop offer? Tarot readings? Regular gatherings? Meeting space? A children’s gathering of some sort (SpiralScouts, or something less formal)? Classes?

4. Are they easy to find? (One of the shops I went to visit took 3 tries to find…with my GPS. Needless to say, I skipped them)

5. While many stores will tell you they’re a central part of the community, look around and see what you think. Some shops I visited had donation boxes out for a local Pagan charity. Others have a bulletin board with notices and flyers about local events. Some had no signs of the rest of the community.

I’m generally a big fan of buying locally when possible, and when it’s not hugely inconvenient. Doing so keeps funds circulating within our community, providing more opportunities for our communities to grow and to provide aid to those who need it.

Knowing your community is a big part of raising your children in the community, and Pagan shops are often a good place to start getting to know the lay of the land.

Check out my new energy work page, http://www.facebook.com/GoodVibrationsEnergyStudio

Filed Under: Essays, Opinions, parenting

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