I’ve spent several hours over the last 2 days re-organizing and cleaning up in my meditation room/library. It’s needed it for a while – we emptied the walk-in closet 2 years ago this February, to replace the carpeted floor with hardwood. Much like the state of the books thrown haphazardly on the shelves, my spiritual life (and, really, the rest of my life too) has been a turbulent and jumbled disarray.

I’d like to say that this little step – driven by needing a book I can’t find, for the third time in as many weeks – marks the beginning of changes for the better, but after the last couple of years, I’m loathe to put that idea out there, only to not follow through. Things here are different than they were 3 years ago – it’s not good or bad, just different – and I’ve really struggled to figure out how to fit anything into that new outline.

I have committed to write every other week for a new group project over at thepaganhousehold.com – I’ll be writing on altars and taking submissions of others’ photos of their altars.

I do want to do more writing, more thinking, more meditating, more ritual. Our local community still tends towards disfunctional, and I feel I need to find a functional corner of it to hide in, for my child’s sake. But I’m also tired, and need a break. Here’s hoping this year I find a better way to balance it all.

трапезни масиToday I’m guest posting over on Support For Special Needs on special needs parenting as a Wiccan.

Normally, you’re supposed to magickally clean things out at Samhain, so you’re ready to plant in the spring. Instead, we’re having spring and summer cleaning here – really, it’s likely to be all year cleaning, which makes some sense, given the instability we’ve had the last 2 years with my son’s medical condition. Things have built up, and we need to figure out what’s working and what’s not so that we can move forward.

This year, we’ve sold off the remnants of our Pagan wholesaling business. I’ve shut down one ill-timed writing project. I’m closing up my baby sign language classes. I’ve shut down a number of websites, left a lot of groups and message boards, and spent a lot of time conserving energy.

At the same time, I’ve been planting a few new seeds, in corners of my life, to see what takes root and what doesn’t. Things that make me happy and things for my family are at the top of the priority list. We’re hoping for some great strides on the medical front over the next year, and we will see where that leaves us.

So, with that, Happy Solstice, one and all – I hope that this next turn of the wheel brings you everything you desire.

When I think of energy work, I often think of the Reiki shares I participated in as a part of my training, or of the healing groups who work at psychic fairs I’ve been to, standing around someone on a massage table, waving their hands around the person they’re working on. I did energy work on my own, long before I could afford Reiki training, and long before one of my former high priestesses declared that every witch in her circle would get an official Reiki attunement as a part of their training.

I’ve been doing Reiki on my son since before he was born. I actually took my Reiki II attunement when I was 5 months pregnant, shortly before his premature birth. After he was born, Reiki was one thing we could do to help him grow stronger, even when he was too fragile to be held.

My son, Acorn, is now almost two. Even now, we use energy work to help his body grow and heal the damage that was cause by his early birth, and we use it extensively when he’s upset or unable to calm down enough to sleep.

In addition to normal toddler anxieties, Acorn has had a lot of traumatic medical experiences in his short life, and as a result, shows extreme anxiety about a lot of things. I’ve been thinking lately that if I could help him learn to do a little of his own energy work, it may help things.

Now, keep in mind, I’m talking about something age appropriate here – toddler-level visualizations, like colors and shapes, not complex symbols and attunements, and not working on other people, just himself.

The technique we’re using thus far has been to start with bedtime. It’s a good time for us to work on intentionally calming ourselves, since we must make a transition from active to more calm and relaxed to go to sleep, and a good time to focus without being rushed. Besides, anything that helps make bedtime go more smoothly is a positive thing.

We start by sitting together, with Acorn in my lap. I talk a lot about how we’re going to sit quietly and relax, how we’re going to take deep breaths, and just sink into the chair. Then I start describing a glowing ball of light around him – a big sparkly egg of white light. Once his shielding is pretty well in place, we talk about reaching down into the earth, and letting all our extra energy go down into the earth, or if we need a little extra, pulling it up into our bodies. Finally, I run my
hands from chakra to chakra, explaining what each one is for, and what it should look like, and work on clearing any blockages we find.

Usually, he watches and listens very attentively, even if he was otherwise distractable before the session. I can tell from his reaction that he knows something has changed when I clear blockages. Sometimes he grabs my hand and moves it from one chakra to a different one – inevitably that’s the one that needs work.

Over the last few months, I can see a difference in his ability to maintain his own shields. There’s less patching to do, less overall balancing that needs to be done.

Finally, we get him in a comfortable position, and I gently guide his energy into a more relaxed state. Sometimes it’s as simple as a bit of Reiki, other times it’s actively shifting the energies of an over-tired and over-stimulated toddler into something calm.

I think, overall, that it helps us have a more calm and manageable life, and it helps him learn to control his energies on his own, something I wish I’d learned earlier in life.

Over on The Wild Hunt, they’ve been discussing an alleged murder, where the supposed perpetrator has said she is Wiccan, and that she killed with her athame in self defense.

A commentor on one of the posts has mentioned that the alleged murderer is “unknown to the larger Pagan community.”  In these days of Wicca 101 books on shelves at most every book store, telling you how to initiate yourself, how does one’s standing in the community prove whether or not you’re Pagan?

Let’s think about that for a minute. Does this matter? Does it mean that asking for an excused absense from school for your child for a Sabbat in New Jersey means you’ll have to prove you’re Pagan, and that the way to do so is to be known by others who say they are Pagan too?

What about court cases and child custody? Will be be expected to trot our our community membership cards in order for the court to accept our beliefs?

Don’t  get me wrong – I think being at least passingly familiar with your local Pagan community is a good thing, no matter how the community functions…I just don’t think community involvement should be the standard of being Pagan.

Interestingly, along the same line of thinking, I ran across Project Pagan Enough this week:

As Fire Lyte says, “Project Pagan Enough seeks to say that – no matter your beliefs, practices, looks, or loves – you are Pagan enough.”

In case I haven’t mentioned it lately, there’s a whole list of reasons why I’m a Bad Pagan(TM), and most of them fall under the heading of “not Pagan enough.”  Not participating much in the larger community due to taking care of my own shit probably ought to be on that list.