Normally, you’re supposed to magickally clean things out at Samhain, so you’re ready to plant in the spring. Instead, we’re having spring and summer cleaning here – really, it’s likely to be all year cleaning, which makes some sense, given the instability we’ve had the last 2 years with my son’s medical condition. Things have built up, and we need to figure out what’s working and what’s not so that we can move forward.

This year, we’ve sold off the remnants of our Pagan wholesaling business. I’ve shut down one ill-timed writing project. I’m closing up my baby sign language classes. I’ve shut down a number of websites, left a lot of groups and message boards, and spent a lot of time conserving energy.

At the same time, I’ve been planting a few new seeds, in corners of my life, to see what takes root and what doesn’t. Things that make me happy and things for my family are at the top of the priority list. We’re hoping for some great strides on the medical front over the next year, and we will see where that leaves us.

So, with that, Happy Solstice, one and all – I hope that this next turn of the wheel brings you everything you desire.

Long time, no post. It has been a rather complicated year, with the baby spending more than 9 months in the hospital, my husband breaking his leg in a car accident, and so on and so on. It’s kind of put spiritual life on hold, because there’s just been too many other things that needed to be dealt with.

But it’s time to get reorganized, and get things back into a more regular rhythm.

I’ve been studying with FWTI’s degree program, which has been interesting. Having things rooted in our household rather than in a coven out there somewhere is a good place for me right now – I often don’t have the time or energy to put things together to go somewhere else, and even when I do, I have to leave my son with my husband – we have no one who can babysit,  because of his medical issues  – and that takes up one of my “credits” for time that I will take solo baby duty.

Another thing I’ve been studying this past few months is Zen Buddhism. I really like the zen approach to dealing with suffering – separating emotions from events. Not that emotions aren’t important, but I have a bad habit of getting tied up in the emotion, rather than dealing with it and moving on.

For the record: me and antidepressants have some issues…like not being able to write or meditate. There’s a fine line between enough meds to cope with major issues, and too much. I gave up on them again a few months ago, and I suspect I will be working on more effective ways for me to deal with life.

For now though, I am feeling more connected to my Gods than I have in months, more whole, more comfortable in my skin, and more at peace with where I am on the path. I do not need power over others to be powerful. I do not need to stand in my own way of manifesting the things I need and want. I am beautiful, and I am Goddess – and so are all of you.

I apologize for not updating lately – I’ve been spending way too much time at the hospital with our little boy, who is now right at 3 months old (his due date would have been this Friday) and still on a pretty hefty amount of O2 support to breathe well.

We only got one “Pagan” gift from our various friends -an Egyptian protection amulet, hand-crafted by a close friend. Actually, come to think of it, that (and the rest of the stuff that came with it) and a gift that’s being mailed this week are the *only* gifts from our friends-we-met-by-being-Pagan. Funny how community works, don’t you think?

I’ve been reading some of my backlog of Pagan books, and I’ve realized that some of the authors I know are not really that good at writing, they just had the gumption to write and get it published. This is an important lesson.

Another important lesson: some SSRIs make it impossible for me to write. This is a bad thing.

Anyway, now that I’m getting things pulled together and am coping a little better, I should hopefully be back on the writing bandwagon in the next week or two. Happy equinox next week to all those who celebrate it.